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10 Things I’ve Learned Since Moving to Los Angeles.

L.A. is its own world.

There is such thing as L.A. style, this is where the hipster was born.  It’s an environment full of perfectly altered individuals, streets filled with cars, the only “big city” where you call a cab instead of hailing one, where having green juice or a nonfat soy latte  perfectly drinkable at 140 degrees and no foam (because it’ll make you bloat) is perfectly normal, a place where all artists and creative people alike congregate and where seeing a celebrity is part of your daily routine.

Two Words:  Culture-Shock

Quarters Are Like Gold

Every week I run into the same problem, I’m always a quarter short.  I can never just simply throw a load in the laundry machine if I need to wear something that night.  I have to actually plan to do laundry?  WTF?

So, I’ve come up with a good solution:

Never tip your barista with the change they give you, yes be greedy and keep those damn quarters, tip them in dollar bills instead (the plus side, your barista may give you an extra shot, can we say ‘COFFE FIX’).

Traffic really does suck.

Yes Los Angeles is known for its traffic because well, nobody works and everybody is always late.   You actually start planning your entire schedule around traffic and yes, it will take you at least 30 minutes to get anywhere in L.A.

In the midst of all my traffic traveling I’ve learned a very important piece of traffic survival:

Always let the beat up car have the right of way.  No exceptions.

Honking becomes white noise.

With all the traffic of course there comes the honking.  It could mean anything from

“You should’ve ran that red light.” Or  “I had a feeling you needed to turn left!”  It’s obnoxious.  Don’t worry you kind of stop hearing it after a while.

The Homeless Are Brave

Getting gas one day I was in my car searching through my wallet for some cash.  Next thing I know I hear a tap on my window, I look and it’s a woman, covered with layers of blankets and beanie, with a couple of missing teeth.  She points at me and goes “YOU GOTTA LOTTA MONEY” and stands there staring at me. Uh…

Street Sweeping, Two Hour Parking, No Parking:  READ THE PARKING SIGNS

Holy parking tickets.

I can’t even count on two hands anymore, I have gotten so many parking tickets multiple times for so many different reasons.

1. Street Sweeping: I get it, the streets need to be swept, but at 9:00 am?? Well unfortunately the answer is yes, at 9:00 am.

Find other parking or wake your butt up and get moving, you’ll get a nice fine to pay the city for that extra sleep.

2. No front license plate:  Living in California prior to Los Angeles I had never gotten a ticket for not having a front license plate, in fact when I told my dad about my first one he was shocked, and I thought that was hilarious because he’s a retired police officer, but nope, he had no idea that was a law either.  Nail the damn thing on to the hood if you have to.

3. Expired meter:  Oh your meter expired two minutes ago?  Well, no use going out to put change in it, you already have a ticket.  The parking police are out to get ya.

4.  Blocking a sidewalk:  I was picking up my friend Nicole one day and I had to go to the bathroom so bad (over share, sorry) so I pulled onto the drive way really quick to run in.  I was maybe gone 45 seconds (ask Nicole, she’ll vouch for me), I come out and there is a parking guy writing me up a ticket for blocking the sidewalk.

5. The 2 hr. parking sign:  They aren’t kidding.  Listen to it. Obey it.  The parking enforcement actually pays attention.

This really is the “hot spot” for beautiful people.

Seriously, does everybody who is good-looking flock to this part of California?  Not only does everybody stay incredibly fit (as proven by all the runners on the city sidewalks) but every time I turn the corner there is a beautiful person staring me in the face, dressed perfect with their LA style and “effortlessly messy” hair.

Winter, it’s a joke.

It’s a great reason to move here, the sunshine, the ocean;  It’s like summer is always flirting with you as you roll down your window and the beastie boys start playing.

You will have no problem finding a liquor store or food delivery.

Liquor stores are like Starbucks, they are literally on every corner.  Hungry at 2 am?  Your in luck, some of the best food is still open around that time.  Home on a Friday night and not in the mood to leave your house to get wine?  Yea, there’s delivery for that.

There are so many creative people.

Yes, it is true, everybody in Los Angeles is a writer, actor, dancer, producer and the list could go on and on.  However, this is LA, this is what LA is, the next time I hear someone sigh and say in their snooty pissed off voice, “EVERYBODY is an actor or director here!”  Well yes, good job, you get a gold star for noticing.  Don’t like it? Move.

People dance to the beat of their own drum in which they are actually drumming.

You want to network and meet somebody to inspire you?  Make a trip to this town.

xx-JB

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